Best Fruitcake Ever

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

1 cup butter

lemon juice from two lemons

2 cups of mixed nuts

1 gallon double-distilled whiskey

1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl.

2. Check the whiskey again to make sure it is really of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink.

3. Repeat.

4. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.

5. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.

6. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

7. Turn off mixer.

8. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

9. Mix on the turner.

10. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

11. Sample the whiskey to check its tonsistancy.

12. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares.

13. Check the whiskey.

14. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

15. Add one tablespoon of something ... whatever.

16. Check the whiskey.

17. Grease the oven well.

18. Turn the cake tin 650 degrees.

19. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

20. Throw the bowl into the oven.

21. Check the whiskey again.

22. Go to bed. Who likes fruitcake anyway?

Fruitcake?

© ~ (Karma) Tsegyäl [a.k.a. Peter G Just] ~

December 2010