Too Blind To Want To See

There is a general saying, and wherever it is that they say this, it generally holds more truth and wisdom than most realise, or maybe would like to believe. ‘There are none as blind as those who do not want to see.’ But of course this gets said everywhere, not just in one specific country or place. The moment you are living with or among other living beings you are exposed to the habits and doings of them, and it invariably takes quite a lot of acceptance, patience, and tolerance, not necessarily in the that order, to do so. You also very quickly learn that not everybody has the same values as you, not everybody has the same respect for others as you, and not everybody has the same level of tidiness and cleanliness as you. Provided of course you have or possess these ‘qualities’ in the first place.

One of the trickiest things may be the whole aspect of respect, which although referring to behaviour, conduct, and manners, very often excludes or overlooks the entire concept of personal space. And like it or not, as human beings we are invariably programmed to expect to enjoy a certain amount of personal space, though this is largely also culturally determined. Accordingly in some cultures people are much more used to living in close proximity, and to have less space to call their ‘own’, than in most western or European societies. The biggest difference among living beings obviously occurs with animals, and that may largely also be a case of how they grow up, the circumstances within which they exist, and the fact that it also serves a very useful purpose in terms of shelter and security. Being closely together brings warmth in the cold, it provides safety in numbers, or at least that is the perception, and it also provides company and perceived comfort.

However, if one is used to a certain differing level of these aspects, then it can be rather challenging when you suddenly have to put up with others’ ‘lesser’ or mediocre standards, or at times even a total lack of any standard. This aspect of standard of behaviour and consideration for others is closely linked to the whole concept of mindfulness. When you are mindful, then you are naturally aware of what goes on around you, you are aware of how you find things, and you are aware of how others behave and conduct themselves. Accordingly you should know that in order to not be a nuisance, to not stand out unfavourably or unpleasantly, then you need to take others into consideration. At no time should anything that you do in any way become someone else problem or concern. Never make your problem, regardless of what it is, somebody else’s problem, unless they invite you to do so. Never!

From this automatically flows the whole aspect of leaving everything the way you find it, unless what you do will leave it in an improved state or condition. Who determines whether it is an improvement may at times be open to interpretation, though as a rule I think most people will know instinctively whether it is an improvement -- or am I just being presumptuous here? In other words, when you find a work area or countertop clean and tidy, then you leave it exactly as clean and tidy as you found it. Not somewhat clean and tidy, but exactly as clean and tidy as it was before you used it. If you come to a door or gate, and it is closed, then you close it behind you as well again once you have passed through. Conversely if it was open you leave it open, unless you know for certain that it is better to be closed. If you empty a container of sugar or milk, then refill it, open a new one, or at the very least put out a new one, and do not expect other people to be your servants. How arrogant can one human being be? You will be surprised. Well, I am surprised on an almost daily basis, and I am only exposed to less than a handful of others.

This is not a unique or unusual occurrence or experience, as I have come across this on every single retreat I have been on over the past twenty odd years or so. People invariably just use things, and have the belief that because they have servants at home who do the cleaning up, be they employed servants, or their partner, parents, or other family members, it means that it is okay to also just use things and leave them lying or standing around dirty after they are done with them. Perhaps they think it is built into the price of the retreat that these things will get cleaned and tidied up after them, or maybe … okay, we will get to that in a moment. As I said before, I have come across this on every single retreat, and at times it is worse than on others. But collectively humans believe it is their inherent right to not have to tidy up after them. It is particularly worrying to me on a retreat, when invariably retreats are always about self-development and caring for and about all other living beings as well.

So why does this then happen? Ultimately, I believe, it is because firstly there are different standards, and not everybody views things the in the same way as we may do. It is extremely surprising and even worrying, though, that somebody should not be capable of noticing that the area or item they have just used is not as clean as when they found it. Provided of course they realise at all that it was not just standing around dirty on the sideboard or kitchen sink when they picked it up in the first place. In addition there is the whole aspect of not really wanting to see it, in addition to not really giving a damn. If somebody is endeavouring to practise mindfulness, then they will also attempt to be or become aware of everything that goes on around them. They will attempt to try and see how things are when they first encounter them to ensure that they leave them in the same state, or else to see if there is any way of improving on them.

Certainly, there is the whole aspect now of who determines whether it is an improvement, and I do not wish to enter into that discussion here and now, because what is far more relevant is the whole concept of leaving everything in the same way that you found it. If a cup is in a certain cupboard, then you put it back there when you are done with it. If a spoon came out of a certain drawer or container, then you replace it exactly there after you have used it. If books were in a certain order on the shelf, then you put them back in the same order. How can you achieve this? By practicing basic mindfulness! It means starting off with the whole concept of firstly wanting to do things as is befitting and appropriate to the wellbeing of the rest of the community or people with whom you are occupying a limited space. It also means making an effort of taking notice of things around you, and perhaps even asking yourself why they are the way that they are.

By questioning or challenging the way things are, or are done, you not only begin to understand the purpose of why things are done in a certain way, but you also begin to realise that perhaps there is a better way of doings them. There may be a way which is perhaps easier, or more beneficial, for the greater good of all, and not just doing it to fulfil your very own immediate needs and desires. You are, after all, not alone on this planet, and especially not within the community in which you exist. But as long as you do not want to see what does on around you, and then make an effort to try ‘fit in’, so long you have no chance of making much of a difference – other than to irritate and aggravate others. Finally, there is the whole aspect of different standards, where my standard of cleanliness or hygiene may not be the same as the next persons perception of what is adequately or sufficiently clean and tidy. And this is why it is so important to leave things exactly as you find them, unless to leave them any other way would improve on how they were or are now.

!O-3|-W;-